SA Honeymoon Murder

[Dev1975]

The husband has been arrested on suspicion of organising the murder of his wife...if true, this is pretty disgusting!!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-bristol-11945015

[a.c.]

There's something very suspect about this whole case. Why were they driving through some township at 1am... and lots more questions...

[chweetgurl]

Unfortunately there is lot of crime in SA, Also its been talked how SA wants to protect its tourism ... Sametime husband being involved is not ruled out either as he came out unscatched... Only time can say.. but i i hope there is some true justice over her death

[Effie]

There is something soooooooo dodgy about this case....

I think I read somewhere that it was a love marriage - so cant understand why he would have had her killed.....

I think I also read that she was shot by accident - while the two men were arguing about raping her........ such a tragic awful death - could the guy be being set up - murderers needed something to say to get their plea bargain?

Or is it that there is no smoke without fire..............

[monome]

There was more on this story in today's metro and on the bbc website,
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-bristol-13264139

This latest revelation sounds awful, i really hope it isnt true, but it such an unusual case i dont know what to think 

[chweetgurl]

There is twist on the arranged marriage bit as well, Too early to say anything but all we want is justice for victim and her family..

[booktalker]

See Dipatches TV programme 8pm today

[Dev1975]

Didn't get around to watching it but set the Sky box to record it, so will try and catch it later this week when I get some time.

[saffron]

i did see it...and managed to watch with my adult children.

I found it upsetting ....not suprising,but yes, there were many things within the whole thing that made me think that shame can affect nearly everyones lack of openness to the problems underneath,from start to finish..what did others think?

The father ,as affected as he has been,and did I feel for him,he was unable to hear his daughter and act on what she said...not long before her death...she said that she had something big to raise with him when she saw him, he was concerned about this,but again trusted his very new son in law with his daughters life...would we be in this situation? Maybe? Maybe the concerns in the planning of the ceremony, and the couple not sleeping together were all signs that something was terribly wrong? The family already had concerns..maybe the whole idea of a 150 grand wedding was too difficult to desert?

The coming out of this young man as a gay was also an issue for him in the asian community of shaming, he would rather have killed his new bride than say that he was guy? That in his rather strange mind,was a better option than admit to all concerned ...that the marriage wasn't what he wanted. Do we think that he was involved in this way?

Question, did she fall in love with him, and knew he was gay,and still willing to marry him? If so... Does this raise the area of how open children can be with their parents?The fact that she did not want to shame anyone in her family, not even speak with her closest friend and sister about the big secret in this new relationship?

Is honour still at play even in the most supposedly liberal /wealthy families that claim that they are open to working things out?


Or could this happen to anyone?

[Sweetchics]

This was such a sad sad documentary. My heart went out to Anni's family.. The documentary did a good job of stating the facts..but it was clear that this man Shrien is not a good person and he most likely planned this whole thing (I actually think he did it)..

I agree with you Saffron..why didn't the family react sooner? The saga with the wedding planning...but the sister did admit that she wished she hadn't convinced Anni to work things out with Shrien..maybe she'd be alive. Then the saga on the wedding night..followed by talks of divorce barely a week into the marriage. So many ifs and buts. But maybe they were waiting on her to say what she wanted. Her father didn't sound like somoene who'd have forced her to stay with him if he knew Shrien was not a good person. But u never know...I don't understand why Shrien felt the need to marry her then murder her if all he was trying to do was preserve the family honour. Why not divorce then, or just not get married in the first place??! I wish C4 had interviewd his ex-fiancee...maybe she'd have shed some light on his character. I hope the investigators seek her out.

Saffron, am no expert but from what I've read, honour and shame know no boundaries..whether you're a prince or the pauper. It still follows you around like a bad smell. I watched a documentary on the work done by the Forced Marriage Unit in UK a while back and they interviewed a lady named Zena Briggs who was in a forced marriage situation, am sure most of you have heard of her. She comes from a prominent, wealthy family in Leeds and even she was surprised that such things were important, given their status in society.

Such a shame, gone too soon. RIP Anni...

xxx

[saffron]

Hi sweetchicks..

good to have your feedback on the documentary...I think there is still alot in our world about thinking' of the Jones' next door, or for that matter in our local communities. and as I see in social work with mainly white families, its not so different, human beings on the whole like to keep things that they are ashamed of to themselves and will deny things to others, when it is blatantly obvious what has happened, i see this all the time. So Im under no illusion that shame exists in asian communities only..it is often the reason not discussed or humoured,or denied.

Shame is there with the english, italians,americans..you name it ..in all communities including....In asian communities . The differences between the families that arrange the killing of someone and the communities who would not go to this extreme? I have no idea..is it just felt more sharply?

I think being gay in a family like the one on this documentary,would still be very shameful.it would explain things if we consider what happened in our english soap eastenders..sahib marrying a young woman hopin that it would work out for the sake of him being muslim and remaining in the family. For many asian gay men wheather musilm hindu or sikh, the chnace of being openly gay is very difficult, and Im sure many of them try to please their families as they have so much to loose, being disownwd or ostracies is a real possibility if they come out in the open, so showing that you can do a wedding and have tried is perhpas a way to deny those feelings about being gay.

It would have been interesting to see what his life was all about before he met this young woman. What his family knew..and had not shared with the girl or her family..these were the real issues that this documentary did not discuss, the change needed in our communities about being open and being able to discuss these issues without fear so that choices can be made more safely.

I felt very much for the families concerned ,and their loss.At the end of the day,we can be empathise with their loss and hope that other asian families will take greater care and try and see the distress in a situation earlier,if thats possible.

[Sweetchics]

Hi Saffron,

I agree, shame is not exclusive to the Asian community. It certainly is an issue in the African community as well, and people are at risk of being disowned for all sorts of reasons - if they marry someone from a different tribe, or one that the family doesn't approve of, get pregnant before marriage, come out of the closet etc. As all these are factors contributing to 'shame'.

I understand your point about coming out of the closet i.e. being a homosexual. It's probably what was the cause behind Anni's untimely death. The documentary mentioned that Shrien had a few male sexual partners including male prostitutes, and frequented gay clubs (based on interviews with individuals). They even said that he had a partner prior to hooking up with Anni. Of course his family have denied this, and he too denied this. If it's true then its such a shame that he felt the need to sacrifice someone else's life for his own. And yes, this is something that should have been explored with the documentary as it is indeed the heart of the matter (motive as they call it). Definitely more should be done to bring awareness to this issue (wish i knew what).

I'll actually go on c4 website and see if there's a comment section on the documentary..will mention this.

xxx

[Dev1975]

Finally saw this yesterday evening (had it taped on my Sky box) and was very saddened to see someone's life taken away in such a manner.  The fact that she called home and said she had "big things" to discuss seems to suggest that maybe she had some suspicions about her husband's former life, suspicions which she wanted to discuss with her family.  Such a tragic waste of life, and all because her husband couldn't admit to people about being gay for whatever reason, be it shame or something else.

[monome]

Dispatches is still online for a few more days for those that missed it:
http://www.channel4.com/programmes/dispatches/4od#3212011

Me and my OH watched it with disbelief. Regardless of the outcome I am very sad for Anni's family for it to be drawn out like this.

[sweet]

boo I can't watch it in US.