BOOK LIST No. 1: MARRIAGE & RELATIONSHIPS

[booktalker]

MIXED RELATIONSHIPS, ARRANGED / FORCED MARRIAGES, HONOUR KILLINGS

Jasvinder Sanghera - 'Shame' True story of Jasvinders experience of  forced marriage ...which she escaped from at 15 years of age, before her parents could set this up. She was locked in her bedroom ,until/ unless... she agreed to marry the man her parents had planned for her to marry from the age of 8,...she escaped to Newcastle.....her efforts to be accepted by her family were rejected by them...despite her many attempts. She did reconcile with her parents before they died,despite being shummed by the rest of her family, her mother was unable to see her around any of her family due to her mother claiming that Jasvinder had brought shame on the family. The account of events is set in an honest and brave approach which many people across all backgrounds have related to and empathised with.

The death of her beloved sister Robina, who set fire to herself, whilst in marriage to a man where domestic violence back in Derby propelled Jasvinder  to set up a project called' Karma Nirvana' on her return Derby ,in the neighbourhood where her family lived.

Jasvinder has amongst many other achievments,worked tirelessly to campaign for forced marriage laws in this country and in 2007 this was achieved through her work.

This book has been a best seller.
 

Jasvinder Sanghera - 'Daughters of Shame' Daughters of Shame was written by Jasvinder as a follow up to her work with Karma Nirvana, It contains true accounts of men and women who have experienced forced marriage and give their accounts to her of what happened to them. It highlights the familiar situations and different presentations of women and men who are forced to marry in the name of honour rather than choice.

Again this 2nd book was a best seller.

Zana Muhsen - 'A Promise to Nadia'

Zana Muhsen and Andrew Crofts - ‘Sold – Story of Modern Day Slavery’

Miriam Ali – ‘Without Mercy’ (True story of the mother of Zana Muhsen who wrote “Sold”)

Bobby Smith & Margaret Oshindele-Smith - ‘One Love, Two Colours' (MT Members’ personal experience) About a mixed marriage.

Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni - 'Mistress of Spices' (This is a book that was made into a film a couple of years back (with Ashwari Rai)  Its about a mixed relationship between a white man and an indian woman.. and how the woman came to terms with the differences ...whilst working in a spice shop ( dont ask me why..))

Yasmin Crowther - 'The Saffron Garden’ (This is a lovely book written by a mixed race woman of iranian/white parentage I think. Its about her mother who was said to have disgraced her family and her mother before that..its very moving, and yes its about Honour, as the women did nothing wrong. It brings the true meaning of the misplaced notion of honour , recognisable in so many parts of the world. What I liked most about the book was the new generation who went on to appreciate what generations before had gone through to bring them where they were. There was something about this book that made it very real, even though its not clear if its fiction or not. Its an exploration of the mother daughter relationship at the end of the main story told...) Yasmins mother had a mixed marriage, and her also had a mixed marriage...thats if its the author..which I felt it was strongly.

Jack Briggs - 'Jack and Zena' (A rare book to find...but every bit a good read..again Im afraid it explains the harsh reality of honour crimes...its about a mixed relationship between a muslim girl and white british boyfriend...and her families threats of killing them after they ran away. Jack n Zena went into hiding for many years and had to have new identities and keep moving around to prevent being found out. Set in north Britain. Not a brilliant ending..a bit sad compared to other reads.) (And I believe they are sadly no longer together - B)

Saira Ahmed - ' Disgraced' (Biography - This was a very unusual take of an asian womans journey with her family. Again around honour issues...and also prostitution. What it shows is a womans struggle for acceptance by her family through providing them huge sums of money over a many years...sad story, but probably more common than we might think. Again round forced marriage issues.

Shameem Ali - ' Belonging' (This is an amazing book by a very brave woman who has played a part in raising the horror of child abuse and forced marriage...her history from a young age...it shows  how the value of a woman can mean little to some , she was neglected  and abused and  yet so giving to so many ,and I felt she... if anyone ,had the right to write every bit  of her amazing story...a good ending where she is able to make sense of what happened and what was needed to move on...much publicised in the press when this first came out. You can look on facebook for her website. She is protected and loved by her sons and her new husband.) Shameem is in the same faith/background marriage.

Ferzanna Riley - 'Unbroken Spirit' (True story again by a now female asian journalist. Ferzana's father tried to kill her..part of me felt that this was  around early childhood abuse continuing as well as child abuse around honour...not unlike Shameem Ali's. Clearly honour was also used by her parents to justify what they did to her and her sister. Its a very moving book. There is lots online on this too. Again she was forced into a marriage . Based around the East midlands and north. Ferzana is in a mixed marriage now.

Souad – ‘Burnt Alive’ (True Story - A book given to me by a friend of MT! This story is different because it is from the middle east..but honour issues are exactly as in many other parts of the world. A very touching book...Yes..she was burnt by a member of her family for being suspected of a relationship. The lives of women is described in her part of the world, people caught between the fighting of the taliban and the again the worth of women and crimes to them is an eye opener.) Souad married her childhood sweetheart who was from a different background to hers I think.

Hannah Shah – ‘The Imam’s Daughter’  This is the true story of a young woman muslim woman who was sexually abused by her father, eventually escaped from all that she was put through,and found her  freedom through the support of her college teacher,and became a christian relating her experiences to a dream she used to have after abuse, which comforted her. She was followed by her father who tried to kill her for apostacy.Her journey is amazing,she did the most amazing thing ..learnt to forgive despite all this..and supports victims and gives talks. There is a website too.  Hannah has a mixed marriage.

Rana Husseini – ‘Murder in the Name of Honour’ (True story by ‘journalist, feminist and human rights defender’, cataloguing incidents of honour killing.B.)

Sita Lazenby – ‘The Honour Killings’ (Novel about girls threatened with forced marriage in India.)

Ayse Onal – ‘Honour Killing – Stories of Men Who Killed’ (True – based on interviews with imprisoned men in Turkey who killed mothers, sisters and daughters in the name of ‘honour’.B.)

Amir H. Jafri – ‘Honour Killing’ (“This book explores the various contexts in which men commit honour killings in Pakistan, and analyses the discourses that deal with it” – heavy going but good…B)

Norma Khouri – ‘Forbidden Love’ (Marketed as true but apparently later exposed as ‘made-up’, nonetheless, a good story about a Muslim girl falling in love with a Catholic man in Jordan. B.)

Tehmina Durrani – ‘My Feudal Lord’ (True story/autobiography of Pakistani woman’s marriage to a politician)

Leila - ‘Married by Force’ (“Leila was born and brought up in France by Moroccan-born parents. But her romantic dreams were shattered when she was forced by her father to marry a man she'd never met, fifteen years older than her, and whose language she couldn't understand. The husband she didn't love beat her regularly in an attempt to force her into submission. But, with extraordinary courage, Leila fought back against the weight of family tradition to regain her liberty and dignity; and though it put her life in danger, she left her husband and later divorced him.”)

Latifa – ‘My Forbidden Face’ (“A poignant account of the life of a teenage Afghani girl under the rule of the Taliban. Latifa's school was closed down, she was forced to wear a chadri and the simplest, most basic freedoms were denied to her.”)

Saira Bronson – ‘Breaking Free’ (True story / autobiography - Muslim woman marries convicted prisoner…)

   Kiranjeet Ahluwalia..'.Provoked'...This is a book about a woman who faced horrendous domestic violence from her husband.. and How she came through..It was made into a film..starring Aishwarai Rai. ( Now by the surname Bhachan)

[Bobby Smith]

Wow, what a great list of books. Thanks for including our humble opus amongst the legendary and the famous!
Margaret (my dear lady wife in case anyone doesn't know) has read every one of those books, with Jack and Zena being her favourite. It was actually this book that inspired us to write our own, as we wanted to show people that mixed marriages can work and that they do not have to be dominated by culture clashes and family disagreements. I venture to suggest that our book is useful to cheer the reader up after all the misery listed above!
It is sad to read that Jack and Zena are not together anymore.
Another great book is Destined to Witness, by Hans Massaquoi. This is the true story about a mixed race boy growing up in Nazi Germany. Top notch.
Anything is better than Jordan I guess...

[booktalker]

Hi Billy

I'm looking forward to reading your book. I loved Jack and Zena's story too. Both of them seem to have really made something good of their lives and are helping others. 

Shall I risk list 2 tomorrow (it's not so long!)? Or wait for feedback on format etc?

[Bobby Smith]

Personally I would leave it a few days - especially as January is normally a bit 'tight' for family finances!
I am always horrified at how little the average person tends to read these days - with their eyes stuck to the TV instead. I mean, how much celebrity nonsense can people inhale in one year?
Lastly, if anyone wants a copy of One Love Two Colours you can order it direct from us for £8 - including a bookmark and personal message of your choice.   

[saffron]

Booktalker...thankyou so much for putting up the book List...Please do carry on while you have the energy..Im excited about your different headings for different books...There are some that Ive seen  that youve mentioned but not read....It'll be great to have people on MT give us some feedback on some of these books...we could make a start on one? What about Jack and Zeena as Bobby has already mentioned?

I thought we could also look at the self help books around...I think youve read some,I have one ot 2 also...when your ready...

[saffron]

 Jack and Zeena's book is called 'Runaways'...

It was interesting...Jack was a older than Zeena. Zeena grew up in an extended family...she worked in a family shop at one stage.  I could relate to her missing her family despite everything that had happened. She and Jack must have been very fearful....the places they went to to keep safe...and no money sometimes for food.

Its also interesting that Jack worked with the police later to enable peole to understand honour crimes and protection issues, how the system does not help couples like this...moving meant that you would not be treated particularly well for jobs and finances...(benefits system)and if the family learnt of your whereabouts you needed to move for your safety again...only to find that eventually someone caught up with you .

Does this make you wonder how many couples and individuals go into hiding?

[booktalker]

Here are Jack and Zena's websites:

http://www.jackbriggs.co.uk/

http://www.zenafoundation.com/

I think the book was originally issued under the title "Jack and Zena: A True Story of Love and Danger" and subsequently reissued as "Runaways".

Saffron, are you able to edit and add to the list as we go? Otherwise I can edit it once in a while as we get comments and re-post?

Will add next list tomorrow - I'm enjoying it!

B

[saffron]

 Please do edit when you are able..it doesn't matter when really..as comments will come and go...Thankyou! Let me know if it gets too much and I will try...

Occassionally we have people ask on MT for books to read esp on mixed relationships and info on forced marriages...so all this is related.

Thankyou for all your hard work!

[chweetgurl]

Out of the list of books i have read 'Shame' 'Daughters of Shame' 'Jack & Zene''Honour killings- of the men who killed' currently reading 'belonging'

It helps to read books based on few taboos of society,the struggles people had to get through probably when it comes to our situation in real life wud make us a bit stronger, or be more aware..
knowledge n experiences are always helpfull

Saffron it wud be good if u wrote a book of ur story..

[saffron]

 Thanks chweetgurl...I have tried various times, the last time..I decided I had more important things I wanted to affect in daily life..at the moment...but will be writing probably when I can take a long holiday...a very long holiday. I hope that this will help Mixed couples as well as those who have been disowned...

Would be great to find out what you thought of Belonging on here when you finished.

[saffron]

I have edited a couple Bookmaker...

[saffron]

Additional book added below...saffron x

[chweetgurl]

I finished reading belonging today...it was very heart touching..The way sam was illtreated most of her life is really heartbreaking...but was atlast relieved in the end to know she is in safe hands now and doing pretty well for herself..also i was thinking abt karma nirvana's funding petition..probably sameem ali wud back it? given that she is an politician..wud it make any difference here?

[saffron]

Yes..Belonging..it really does live up to its title...she was in care early in her life wasn't she? Its hard to believe that she had so much strength despite all the difficulties ..her spirit was never truly  crushed...which could have happened so easily with all her experiences with her family...she was treated like a slave in every sense...and yet she still forgave and could see that her own mother was who she was...

How did you see this chweetgurl?

I believe that there are other nteworks up north..Cleveland honour network line..not sure what s up in Manchester...but I nderstand Shammeem is a councillor up north?

Im not sure how the various women who have had forced marriages connect or if they know each other..but the hnour network is here to be supported, Sammem will know about this.

[chweetgurl]

Hi saffron
To me there were certain bits i felt i wouldnt have taken that kind of treatment.But looking at her situation wherein even though she had a huge family still lived like an orphan no one to care apart from her sister who was also in similar situation she had no option then take it all.The way she came out of it with pure courage and stood up to the situation,I m pretty sure during the time she moved away frm family with osghar she would have been illtreated by her family whenever she went to see them but still she fought all the way through got her family around..i learnt never give up no matter wat!