BOOK LIST No. 1: MARRIAGE & RELATIONSHIPS

[booktalker]

Hi all

I've just heard from Hannah Shah and she said she will put a link on her site to MT as soon as she updates it!

B

[balbir]

Hi Chweetgurl

I saw goodness gracious me live in northampton and they were excellent, the theatre was full of indian people and i took myu hubbie and kids with me, we got stared at! but that did not spoil my enjoyment.

balbir

[Bobby Smith]

Don't worry about being stared at - it only happens to stars!

[balbir]

Hi Bobby
nice to talk to you, never thought about it like that before! just need a red carpet now.

Balbir

[saffron]

  Thankyou Booktalker for contacting Hannah Shah...its great she is goin to put up a link for us...I would like to see it sometime when I get round to it! Good work!

Hannah is also in a mixed relationship according to the book,I hope she will look on in here...

[chweetgurl]

Balbir,Theatre experience would have been gr8 more of an live experience!
Well me and my partner get stares all the time its become a part of life its higher when we visit places mostly asians unfortunately...

Well said Bobby Smith

Saffron looking forward to the link as well  more exposure to MT

[Bobby Smith]

People always stare at Margaret and I - normally black women. I always tell her it is because I am so good looking!!!

[saffron]

We smile these people out... if they dont smile back we smile at each other ,and carry on with what were doing...this works well!

 I dont waste my time when its happening ...even talking about it..its so negative! Put my energies into something more positive and productive!

You could try kissing your partner! ( Now Im being provocative!?)

[booktalker]

My other half (Pakistani Muslim man) still sometimes feels awkward being with me (white female) in places where there are predomiantly whites (e.g. smart restaurant etc.), and same thing in mainly South Asian areas. He doesn't say it, but I can tell and no amount of reassurance from me can change that (although after 12 years it's got easier!). Interestingly, when we went to southern Spain where people are quite dark skinned with black hair, he felt much more 'at home' and no one gave us a second glance. It never occurs to me to think about it when I'm with him as I don't see him as a colour but as a human being.....

But he's definitely not keen on kissing in public!

[saffron]

 ...I think it is something that must affect us all to some degree..because some of us have not had families who accepted openly dating a man, or men not being seen dating women is another one...keeping it away from family and relatives at all costs.

I agree  that at the begining of a mixed relationship you do get people staring...or its more obvious to us then, but you do come to time when you have to deal with it,everyone must have their  own way...

Kissing in public...no no....

[booktalker]

It took me ages to work that out! You could do what you liked so long as no one else knew about it. If it became public knowledge, it was a disaster. That's been the most difficult part for me - I always saw it as a kind of deceit (him not 'making us public'), but now I understand so much more and choose to accept things the way they are. In fact, it's probably better that way!

[saffron]

I think when you look at the traditional communities out there... where marriage .....is arranged 'normally'....  the lead up to that has diff boundaries..for instance the concept of dating is not known,in fact I dont know a word for it! Also there is separation of men and women in various situations ..such as religious places..or in the home at events..women in one room ,men in another generally...although not always. For some separation of male cousins from female cousins...extreme but not unknown of even now.

So to be seen with a man outside the home can stir up all kinds of memories and taboos. The same will be there for men ..although a man is generally forgiven if seen,or his explanation accepted, wheras for a woman that can in some situatins have fatal consequences...the more serious end of that would be the women we know of who were murdered by their relatives for even being seen out with a man, or known to have been seen by a relative for example.

[chweetgurl]

I read 'Half Life' Roopa Farooqi
‘It’s time to stop fighting, and go home'


Those were the words that finally persuaded Aruna to walk out of her East London flat in the middle of breakfast, wearing flimsy sandals on a brisk Spring day, carrying nothing more substantial than a handbag, and keep on walking. Leaving behind her marriage to Patrick, her adoring husband of less than a year, she gets on a plane to Singapore, running back home to the city and the old life she had run away from in the first place. And there she finds her childhood friend and former lover, Jazz, troubled by the pleas of the dying father he refuses to forgive, who has never stopped waiting for her to return.


After years spent fleeing the ghosts of her past - the life that she and Jazz tried and failed to make together, the terrible revelation that tore their relationship apart, and the troubling psychological diagnosis she would rather forget - Aruna is about to discover that running away is easy. It is coming home - making peace with herself, Jazz and those they have loved - that is hard.

It was an quite interesting read with twists and turns infact i read the book less then 2 weeks.