BOOK LIST No. 2: LIFE, LIFESTYLE, FAMILY & OTHER ISSUES – FICTION & NON-FICTION

[booktalker]

Thank you, saffron. As you can imagine, neither my friends nor family have really understood what's been going on all this time. How could they? It's never been part of their way of life. I'm so relieved to have you guys here with your lovely words of encouragement, and you never judge except when you see people acting unfairly and unreasonably. I honestly don't know what I'd do without you right now, it's such a comfort and I don't feel so alone. Knowing that everyone else here has been through real pain - much worse than mine - and still has the generosity to help others, is amazing. What you said is so right, and I admit I've felt a sense of relief somewhere among the sadness - mainly that I've finally admitted the truth. I've realised that I've been guilty of not being true to myself and have let him do everything his own way, so as not to offend his family. In doing that, I've hurt mine. They have just accepted whatever I've wanted to do so long as it was making me happy, and have never questioned my decisions - the opposite of most of the parents on this site!

Anyway, as you say, if he does come back it will be because he's prepared to change the status quo and will commit. If he doesn't, I've made the right decision. I've left it up to him.

Enjoy your week off and reading, saffron. I'm sure it will give you the chance to find that all-important feeling of calm. I do feel calm, now, and am determined to carry on trying to do the right thing, and trying to find out what the right thing is. I take full responsibility for what's happened - well, no, I do blame him too. I want to understand where I went wrong and try not to make the same mistakes again. Sometimes I think that never being too old to learn is both a blessing and a curse!

Take care

BT
xxxxx

[chweetgurl]

Hi BT sorry didnt notice the post earlier, teaches me a lesson to my eyes wide opn

I admire you gr8tly for being brave and stood by your guns. I do feel no matter what day and age we are into do deserve our share of hapiness you have one life only to live it to the fullest.
I do truly hope he comes back to you this time to commit, You are warm and friendly person i am sure if he doesnt commit it was never meant to be.

No matter what we are here by your side... Do let us know how it went ...

[booktalker]

Thank you chweetgurl. Maybe I'll finally post our story on MT - it would have to be a serial as it's so long! In fact, this thread isn't the right place for all my sorrows really...

Let's get back to books! I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't read.

Have a good day love BT xxx

[Spidax]

Hi BT, hope you are doing ok - Books were definately part of my salvation and helped me to stay sane when I was finding the reality of my life a bit too much too take. I cant even count how many books i read when i didnt want to go out, or socialise. Just reading and reading till i felt better again.

If you feel it helps you writing about your experience could be beneficial - I hope you stay with us all, knowing you have experience with a Muslim partner really gave me courage especially as there are not too many women who are active on MT that i know are  the same boat as me. You deserve a long and happy partnership with someone who respects and adores you in public and in private

You said also that you believe that he was your soul mate.
I thought this too about my previous relationship but then I read " eat pray love" by Elizabeth Gilbert (Brilliant) and someone said the following to her when she lost her "soulmate" - and it changed the way I thought about it...

 "…A true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.  A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake.  But to live with a soul mate forever.  Nah.  Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave.  And thank God for it."

I dont know what you think, but it made sense to me.

All the best and lots of hugs

Spida

[booktalker]

Dear spida - I have cut and pasted that quote where I can read it often. Thank you for that, and everything else you said. I could never leave MT - it's part of my life and the energy you get off the people here is incredibly nourishing.

I've thought a lot about telling my story - it could come over as extremely negative but it's exactly what the soul mate quote says - only through these experiences do we grow and learn so how can we not be grateful. So it all depends how you see it and say it.

Have you seen the film of eat pray love? I've ordered it but would rather read the book if it's better... what do you think?

Love BT x

[Spidax]

As someone who loves the book,Funny, moving and very inspirational i would definitely read it. I've not seen the film, I didn't think Julia Roberts could do it justice.
I remember reading part of the book when she was still in pain and I realised I was crying!! No book has actually made me cry before. Lol in a good way though coz in some way I really connected to her. I'm pleased you liked the quote! I copy paste quotes a lot. Other people say things that make sense so much better than I ever can

[Dev1975]

Hey Spida,

I fully agree with the soulmate quote you put up there, as I felt exactly the same when I was with my girlfriend, whom I considered to be (and some small part of me STILL feels her to be) my soulmate.  If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have had the courage to stand for what I thought was right when everyone around me were doing their level best to tell me otherwise.  I wouldn't have had the strength to move out on my own and try to live an independent life for myself.  If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be the person I am today and I am thankful for that.  Still doesn't stop me missing her like crazy though, haha!!! 

I shall try and check out "Eat Pray Love" in book form first before tackling the film.  Not really a big fan of Julia Roberts to be honest, so will have to properly psyche myself up before attempting to watch it.

Hope you're well, take care!

Dev
x

[booktalker]

I started an 'inspirational quotes thread a while ago so will put the soul mate quote in there.

Thanks for the advice about the book, spida, I'll definitely read it now.

Dev I think once you've met a soul mate, you never forget them, and as long as you can see the positive part they played in your life, that's a good thing. Someone once said to me that some soul mates are guides and some a signposts, but we often can't see what their true role is in our lives till later.

BT
x

[booktalker]

Hmmmm, can't find it anywhere! Did anyone else see that thread? I can find Inspirational Talks, but not Quotes...

[Dev1975]

Found it in the Community forum, I've bumped it up so it's now on the first page.

[chweetgurl]

I saw this book in waterstone's yesterday thinking to read... I wonder if anyone has had a chance to read the book'Witness the night' by Kishwer Desai and
what they thought ?

[Spidax]

Time to add new books.

Sometimes my mum does amaze me, in that she knows me better than I think she does.

I found these next books in my book case - Mum often picks up n cheap reads from the bazillion charity shops that fill up my town cetnre and puts them all in the book case in my room and we share them all.

I saw them ages ago but firstly thought they were fiction and also thought from the covers they looked a bit trashy - judgemental I know "dont judge a book by its cover" and all that but I picked them up one sleepless night and I am amazed and think mum bought them for me!

They are a trilogy - true stories of one womans life and family. Written by Jean Sasson (american journalist and friend of the "princess" who remains anonymous for her own protection).

Princess
Daughters of Arabia  and
Desert Royal

and tell of the life and of a Saudi Princess from early 60s to present day, they follow her childhood, rebellious teens, arranged marriage, children and also the lives of the women around her, mother, sisters friends and daughters and what an oppresive, male dominated world Saudi Arabia was and still is and how women suffer at the hands of men for every little think they may think or do. Honestly it has shocked me how women alone have been treated, and how she has somehow, and with great risk spoken out.

In some ways it reminds me of our Saffrons story - their lives are completely different but to me their voices shout the same message. That women should not be treated as second class commodoties and should be able to live their own lives. Not controlled by family or religion.

it is simply written, but goes into all aspects of Muslim Saudi culture, I learned many things I never knew about the power and wealth of the head or Royal families who lead such extravagant and jet set, modern lifestyles yet their women are bound by so many man made rules and restrictions and die if they do the slightest wrong. I feel like I am exagerating but if this book is true than it is not exagerated at all


simply written, but a very enlightening book. I pray that women in saudi and other muslim countries do get treated more equally and strive for full equality soon.


P.s. to Chweetgurl - I read Witness the Night that u mentioned ages ago! it was Brilliant!!!

[booktalker]

Hi spida

Thanks for the post - I only just realised these aren't on the list although I'm sure they've been mentioned before somewhere - great stories. I have added them on now. When I was working in the Gulf I saw and experienced some of these things first hand - I hope that change will happen eventually, but these attitudes are so entrenched and reinforced by religion. I did see a story in the news recently which would have been funny if it wasn't true:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-middle-east-16011926

Have you decided which books you are going to take on your travels?!

Love

BT
x