Well, Its time I thought we would help Chweetgurl and put up a 'succesful story' on here..we have many on our website...So heres mine.
I met my sweetheart when I was 25, he is white british and from christain upbringing...and 29 at the time..
I am from Indian sikh background and from the punjab originally, born East africa , Lived in India and spent most of my life in Britain from the age of 6.
We met through being introduced, both us us were working professionals and had a number of things in common,only our race was different...
We married after 2 years of the kind of pressures people on this site are familiar with,I wont go into this because you can read plenty about that under Saffrons story, because on this thread I would like to give others hope and affirmation that a mixed relationship, marriage..can work...
We have been together now for 26 years,we married in 1987. ..
Its like any other mariage,when you are in Love.Things get better because you appreciate each other more as you age.
We have no regrets...
We have been through difficult times,not between the two of us or our children,but in accepting the prejudice of my family towards us as a mixed couple and their silence in the lives of our children in particular...
Our children are now adults and' very together',raised without pressure or the concept of Shame and Honour in the negative context..ie making them feel responsible for our feelings... about how they should live....
They have been raised openly with the issues upfront when they were old enough to understand.This has helped them a great deal.
As a couple we are now very aware that our time together is precious, and want to say..dont waste your time...make up your mind and go with your relationship if you are sure that this is the person you want to be with for the rest of your life...
Success has been possible because..
1. We Love each other...
and Trust each other .
2. Because we talk...about everything..AND we try to' listen' to each other,which is very important in a relationship.
3. We allow each other individual creativity...ie dont dictate what either of us should or should not do if one of us wants to do something for our development or need...( accepting that the person you marry cannot provide for every possible dilenma or need..) This means that neither of us is insecure and feels each of us has to do what the other wants.
4. We make up with each other asap if there is ever a small misunderstanding.
..and compromise when we need to...
5. We made a pact that we would never worry or dictate about each others cultures, but I think that came to us naturally, as I naturally brought my culture into the relationship and it became his because he wanted it too..I have adopted the culture of this country like may of us who live here..so it works well. We see this as positive and the best way, esp in raising our children and in us having the choices that we know many people would not have. We dont come to it... from a negative context ever. Where there is willingness whatever differences there maybe in cultural terms, there is always a way forward.
6. I would not change anything about our marriage..its been a fantastic 26 years...
7. A sense of Humour! He has a good sense of humour...and I respond well to this by either playing on it,or realizing that there is a funny side ... after all!!
If you have any questions please ask...
Author